A Skill, Not an Attitude

Learning to Love Diversity, part 3

A few weeks ago I was introduced to a woman. She was wearing the style of head covering that I associate with Muslim women. When I was told her name, it sounded to my ear like a middle Eastern name. I bowed and said I was please to meet her, and I asked if she shook hands. I asked because I know that many versions of Islam include a practice of not touching members of the opposite sex. I would say that in that interaction, I had one foot in stage 4 and one foot in stage 5. I was like a person who has just picked up a clarinet, without being able to play any other musical instrument, and has had a couple clarinet lessons. Such a person has moved beyond having a respectful interest about clarinets to actually trying to practice it, but after two lessons the best she can do is a halting, uneven rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

My relationship to middle Eastern Islamic culture is analogous. Next time I’m introduced to a Muslim woman, I’ll probably do the same thing because that’s the best I can do given my current level of skill with Middle Eastern Islamic culture. With a greater level of skill, I’d be able to exchange respectful greetings in Arabic, I’d be able to gesture in ways that signaled the respect and regard that I wanted to signal – I’d be able to detect the cues that signal whether the people I was meeting probably were or weren’t in a more liberalized Islam that allows intersex hand-shaking in social settings. I’d be as comfortable and competent with their assumptions and expectations of their culture as I am with the assumptions and expectations of the pulpit.

But I don’t have those skills. I have the right attitude (I think -- though I recognize that everyone thinks their own attitude is the right one) but intercultural competence isn’t a matter of attitude. It’s a matter of skills – which take time to practice and learn.

LoraKim, my spouse, speaks Spanish and spends a lot of time in Central and South America where she hangs out almost exclusively with people who live there. She got an intercultural competence that I don’t have.

In some versions of the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity there is a 6th stage, "integration." Integration is a matter of increasing skill and fluency at adapting to other cultures. The difference between stage 5 and 6 is like the difference between having learned a foreign language, but still thinking in English, so when you speak, you are translating in your head from English into the other language – versus simply thinking in the other language.

Much of the discrimination I mentioned (in Part 1) is based in unconscious reactions. Changes in conscious attitude can mitigate some of the discrimination, but attitude changes don’t get at the roots that are unconscious. Learning the skills of adapting to African American culture, and Hispanic culture in its main forms helps us be comfortable with those cultures – helps us know we can work productively and communicate effectively – and that’s what allows the unconscious to begin to let go of its biases against those other culture.

At what stage do you think you are? Most people identify themselves at a stage higher than they actually are. People at stage 2, "defense," will tend to self-report as being at stage 3, "minimization." People at "minimization" will tend to self-report as being at stage 4, "acceptance." I think this reveals, at least, that we do want to be more interculturally sensitive. There is an online survey you can take to clarify what stage you are probably at. Most Unitarian Universalists are in the middle – at the stage 3, minimization stage. We love to say people are basically the same.

The Golden Rule itself – "do onto others as you would have them do unto you" – is a minimization because, in reality, what you would have done unto you might not be what someone of a different culture would want or need. After the Golden Rule comes the Platinum Rule: do unto others as they would be done unto. Doing that requires learning a lot about their culture so you can see what will work for the other person.

You might want to ask – or you might have one little voice inside that wants to ask – why should I have to adapt to them. Why don’t they adapt to me? In the book Centering: Navigating Race, Authenticity, and Power in Ministry – a book that was one of the two Common Reads for all Unitarians last year -- the Rev. Adam Robersmith expresses this voice:

“We always talk about meeting people where they are. How about meeting them where we are? When is there ministry to ask people to meet me where I am as a person of color? To ask you to see me for what I am and meet me there?”

Anyone from the nondominant culture has HAD to put a lot of energy into adapting to the dominant culture. So I understand that they can get worn out and long for the ease of other people adapting to them instead of them always having to adapt.

For those of us who are of the dominant culture, the answer is: do what you can. If you can adapt to others, then do. Give them, to the best of your ability, the gift of ease.

And be aware of the brain’s natural self-centered bias: when you think you’re doing all the adapting, you might, in fact, be doing barely more than half of it -- just doing half the adapting is liable to give us the impression we’re doing 90 percent of it.

As for me, I think I’m usually pretty good about being open and curious about differences, but under stress I fall back into assumptions that there is such a thing as universal reasoning and that I can recognize universal needs. I spend most of my time in a cultural bubble of NPR, the New York Times, and my fellow Unitarian Universalists. On the plus side, this culture I'm in does tend to be a culture that's interested in learning, including learning about how different other cultures are and how to get along with them better.

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This is part 3 of 3 of "Learning to Love Diversity"
See also: Part 1: Reaction to Cultural Difference: First Stages
Part 2: We Aren't All the Same

We Aren't All the Same

Learning to Love Diversity, part 2

Stage 3, minimization of cultural difference, is not quite as awakened as it might seem. When we disregard real differences, we end up using ourselves as the standard. We thus treat other people as versions of ourselves. We neglect the importance of our own culture in shaping who we are. We’re emphasizing these universals – features universally true for all of us -- but these supposed universals, on closer inspection, turn out to be assumptions of our particular culture.

Once we notice that our assumptions and habits of thought are themselves cultural products – that is, not the natural, universal pattern – then we’ll recognize that cultural differences are more real and important than we had imagined. So, as much as minimization is an improvement over polarization, there’s a stage beyond minimization.

We aren’t all the same, and treating people as if we were is refusing to see the fullness of their humanity. Our different paths are often leading up different mountains. Not respecting real cultural differences amounts to not respecting people.

Stage 4 is a greater appreciation of how deep culture goes. If we assume that we’re basically all the same, then we deal with people by appealing to what we take to be the universal shared characteristics. To move beyond that and honor difference involves an openness and curiosity about differences, recognizing how real and profoundly meaningful culture is. Stage 4 is called the acceptance stage, because here we accept different cultures and accept that culture is a very deep part of who we are and who others are. At the acceptance stage there is an interest in exploring differences without judgment or evaluation.

To get from stage 2 to stage 3, more exposure to different cultures helps. But to get from stage 3 to stage 4, more exposure to and learning about different cultures probably won’t do much, because those at stage 3, the minimization stage, process the information in ways that look for – and find – that other cultures are basically the same. What does help people move from stage 3 to stage 4 is work on cultural self-awareness – recognizing their own culture as a culture, and recognizing how thoroughly the way we perceive everything is a product of our cultural assumptions. Seeing that, we are positioned to be curious about how other cultures work differently.

People at the acceptance stage may say such things as:

• "The more difference the better -- more difference equals more creative ideas!"
• "You certainly wouldn't want to have all the same kind of people around -- the ideas get stale, and besides, it’s boring."
• "I always try to study about a new culture before I go there."
• "The more cultures you know about, the better comparisons you can make."
• "Sometimes it's confusing, knowing that values are different in various cultures and wanting to be respectful, but still wanting to maintain my own core values."
• "I know my homestay family and I have had very different life experiences, but we're learning to work together."

Getting more Americans from stage 2 antagonism toward people who are different to stage 3 habits of universalizing and minimizing difference would help reduce discrimination. Getting more Americans then from state 3 to stage 4 would help us more fully understand the reality of difference, make us better able to empathize, and would get us still further toward reducing discrimination.

But curiosity about something is not the same thing as competence at it. Curiosity about trigonometry is not the same thing as skill at solving trig problems. So there is yet a fifth stage – going from intercultural openness and acceptance and curiosity to intercultural competence. To get to stage 5 means being able to shift cultural perspective and adapt behavior to fit with the other person’s culture.

It’s not assimilation. Assimilation is a permanent change from your original culture to a new culture. Intercultural competence involves the ability to make temporary shifts into a different culture, allowing you to be more effective in a particular situation.

The previous transitions were attitude shifts. From stage 1 to stage 2 involves an attitude of hostility to difference. From stage 2 to stage 3 involves shifting the attitude to one of disregarding cultural differences. From stage 3 to stage 4, our attitude shifts to being interested, open, and curious about differences. But stage 4 to stage 5 is not an attitude shift. It entails acquiring new skills. Being interested in and open to learning how to play the clarinet is one thing, but actually playing a complex melody smoothly on a clarinet is something else.

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This is part 2 of 3 of "Learning to Love Diversity"
See also: Part 1: Reaction to Cultural Difference: First Stages
See next: Part 3: A Skill, Not an Attitude

Stock image royalty free from shutterstock

Reaction to Cultural Difference: First Stages

Learning to Love Diversity, part 1

We know that there’s discrimination.

• Blacks are less than 13% of the populations, yet, as best we can tell since many police departments do not report, blacks are 31% of all fatal police shooting victims, and 39% of those killed by police when not attacking. Yes, it's worth remembering that 61% of the "killed by police when not attacking" category are not blacks. Still, the number that are is disproportionate.
• Young black males, ages 15-19, are 21 times more likely to be to be shot and killed by the police than young white males.
• Between 2005 and 2008, 80% of NYPD stop-and-frisks were of blacks and Latinos.
• Only 10% of stops and 8% of frisks were of whites. 85% of those frisked were black. Only 2.6% of all stops (1.6 million stops over 3.5 years) resulted in the discovery of contraband or a weapon. Whites were more likely to be found with contraband or a weapon.
• Blacks are 14% of regular drug users, but are 37% of those arrested for drug offenses, and 56% of those in state prisons for drug offenses.
• Prison sentences of black men were nearly 20% longer than those of white men for similar crimes in recent years.
• Whites are 78% more likely to be accepted to the same university as equally qualified people of color.
• A black college student has the same chances of getting a job as a white high school dropout.
• A resume for a person named Dante Williams is 50% less likely to get a call back than an identical resume for a person named David Williams.
• Voter ID laws do not prevent voter fraud, but do disenfranchise millions of young people, minorities, and elderly, who disproportionately lack the necessary government IDs.
• News reporting regards black lives as less significant. African American children comprise 33.2% of missing children cases, but only 19.5% of cases reported in the media.
• Black car buyers are charged $700 more on average than white car buyers of the same car.
• When looking for a home, black clients looking to buy are shown 17.7% fewer houses for sale, and black renters learn about 11 percent fewer rental units.
• Doctors did not inform black patients as often as white ones about the option of an important heart catheterization procedure.
• White legislators – in both political parties -- did not respond as frequently to constituents with black sounding names.

Discrimination is going on. And there’s a similar kind of discrimination against Hispanic immigrants – often against anyone who is different, who is other. People who are different face discrimination. So it sure would be progress if people weren’t seen as different.

The first stage of dealing with cultural difference is denial or ignorance. One experiences one's own culture as the only “real” one – one just doesn’t know about other cultures. Other cultures are either not noticed at all or are understood in an undifferentiated, simplistic manner. One is uninterested in cultural difference, but when confronted with difference, seemingly benign acceptance may change to aggressive attempts to avoid or eliminate it. This might be the result of, say, being five years old. Or, when an adult is at this stage, it may be the result of physical or social isolation, where one's views are never challenged and are at the center of their reality.

With increased exposure to cultural difference, at first there’s liable to be a hostile reaction against it, and that’s the second stage. Stage two is very “us” versus “them,” with negative stereotyping of “them.” People at this stage experience their own culture as the most “evolved” or best way to live. They will openly belittle the differences between their culture and another, denigrating race, gender or any other indicator of difference. There are openly threatened by cultural difference and likely to act aggressively against it. Their defensiveness about their own culture will come out in saying such things as:

• "I wish these people would just talk the way we do."
• "Even though I'm speaking their language, they're still rude to me."
• "When you go to other cultures, it makes you realize how much better the U.S. is."
• "These people don't value life the way we do."

There’s a reversed version of this, where they turn against their own native culture in favor of romanticizing some other culture as superior – but it’s still a very polarized attitude about cultures.

To move beyond this stage requires coming to emphasize sameness – seeing that the basic similarity we all have, the humanity – and the animality – we all share. It helps to emphasize the historical context for understanding differences: this culture formed this way because it was shaped by wars, or colonization, or slavery, for instance. It is possible to grow out hostility to differences and into a recognition of commonality we share.

At stage 3, we recognize cultural differences, but we don’t demonize or judge them. We see cultural differences as ultimately superficial because deep down we’re all the same. There are different paths up the mountain, but they all lead to the same mountaintop. Behind some differences of form, there are universal values we all uphold in our own way. We all have feelings – we all get angry, sad, scared, happy. We all have needs: air and food, autonomy, respect, and connection – no matter what the culture.

If everyone at stage 2 would move to stage 3, that would reduce some discrimination. But not all of it.

Next: Why minimization isn't a complete solution for discrimination

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This is part 1 of 3 of "Learning to Love Diversity"
See next: Part 2: We Aren't All the Same
Part 3: A Skill, Not an Attitude